Lot of Jokes
Joke of the Day
Mother: The recipe for the cake says that you should separate the two eggs. Did you do that?
Young Girl: Yes, Mom, I sure did. I put one in the living room and the other in the bedroom.
Doctor: I have good news and bad news for you.
Patient: Give me the good news first.
Doctor: You're going to have a fatal disease named after you.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a pilot."
"Oh, do you fly airplanes?"
"No, I work in an office with lots of paperwork. I pile it here and I pile it there."
Girl: I bumped into Joan today.
Friend: Was she glad to see you?
Girl: Not really, we were in our car at the time.
John: Where have you been for the last four years?
Jane: I've been at college taking medicine.
John: And did you finally get well?
"Will the band play anything I want them to?"
"Well, have them play cards."
Ding: I opened a new business. I started making lamps out of vegetables.
Dong" What are they for?
Ding: People on a light diet.
Customer: I'd like a cup of coffee.
Friend: I'd like one,too, and make sure it's in a clean cup.
Waiter (bringing back the coffees): Okay, which one of you ordered the clean cup?
Woman: Do you have any grandchildren?
Elderly Woman: No, all my children are ordinary.
"My grandma fell down the stairs."
"No, I think she can be repaired."
"My uncle was on a quiz show and won a trip to Australia."
"Did he go?"
"yes, five years ago. He's been trying to win a trip back ever since."
Boss: Everything in this shop is electric.
Worker: Well, the low salary gave me a shock.
Judge: I will give yo a short sentence -- ten years.
Prisoner: Ten years! That's not a short sentence!
Judge: Yes it is. Two words.
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