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_If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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_Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

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_If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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_What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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_I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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_OK.. so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans

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