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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . .
they're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
