Lot of Jokes
Joke of the Day
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They 'charged' one - and let the other one 'off'.
Four 'fonts' walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your 'type' in here''
To save time in the shower, wash only the top half of your body. Let gravity do the rest.
To Do List
: Go to the beach. Bury metal objects that say "get a life" on them.
High School Diploma (
) - Google + Sparknotes.
It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you...
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.
Wedding rings (
) - An expensive pair of tiny handcuffs.
When working on a test you may come across a question you don't know the answer to. Instead of skipping it, write, "Isn't it obvious?" and then move on.
) - A piece of paper that shows you knew how to use Wikipedia and cheat for four years.
Someday people will look back on high heels the same way we look back on Chinese foot binding.
Take the "the" out of "psychotherapist." and see what you get
Advice For Men
If a girl turns you down, apply more Axe.
) - Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
To Do List
Tell a girl that you've recently become more attracted to her. Then explain it's because she's gained so much weight that her gravitational pull exceeds that of earth's.
Adding the phrase "if you know what I mean" to the end of a sentence makes it sounds a whole lot creepier... if you know what I mean...
A video of humans having sex is pornography. A video of animals having sex is a documentary.
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