Lot of Jokes
Joke of the Day
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If a midget ever tells you, I'm not happy, ask them, then which one are you?
If asked which child is yours while standing by a playground at the park, reply with, "I haven't decided yet..."
When a kid makes faces at you through his bus window, follow him home and make faces at him from his bedroom window at night.
To make sure no boys will ever write poems about your daughter, name her Orange.
If the cops are flashing their lights at you, they want to see just how fast you can really drive.
You are what you eat. Eat skinny people.
Live with your parents until you are 28. Get a fake tan and hair gel. Call MTV.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away....but only if you throw it really, really hard.
Give out free hugs for $1.
Never knock, people love being surprised.
If you can't win the argument, correct their grammar instead.
To see a real 3D Movie, watch a play.
Before you insult someone, always walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you insult them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
To be pretty on the inside too, try eating the makeup.
To improve your grades, eat Asian food the night before a math test.
When someone tell you to, "expect the unexpected," slap them in the face and ask them if they expected it.
When you get pulled over by a cop and he says, "papers", respond with "scissors". Not only will you clearly win, he will be impressed by your wit and sense of humor.
Simply stare at something you dropped on the ground to make someone pick it up for you.
Say "no" to drugs. If drugs are talking to you, you've already had too many.
Don't think of it as kidnapping. Rather think of it as surprise adoption.
It takes over 40 muscles to frown at someone in disappointment, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap them. Do the math.
Get married on February 29th. This way, you will only have to buy your wife flowers once every four years.
If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait. The feeling will go away soon.
When he says "I love you", simply reply with "thanks". Boys love that.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
Don't think of killing someone as a murder. Think of it as "delayed abortion".
Give up homework for lent. Teachers could never fail you for religious reasons.
Keep smoking. It will help you loose weight. One lung at a time.
To remember your wife's birthday, forget it once.
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