_A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber
whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch
while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later,
when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the
ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters
instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar,
the game is over!”
_It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man
makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing
that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor
if someone will be sitting there.
"No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"
The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first
Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you
find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
The man shakes his head.
"No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
_A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
_Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger
approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out
their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns
to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
_The class assignment in composition was to
write about something unusual that happened during the past week.
Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last
week - " he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs.
Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?" "He must
be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help
_A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a
chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you
look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy
life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer,
eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise," he replied.
"Wow, that's amazing," she said, "How old are
_"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And I've decided to give your
wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor." the husband said "And every now and then
I'll try to send her a few bucks myself!".
_The supermarket had a sale on
boneless chicken breasts. I intended to stock up. At the store,
however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged
portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them
ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the
public-address system: "Will the gentleman who wanted bigger breasts
please meet me at the back of the store."
_ An elderly patient gets hearing aids from a doctor. After short time, he meets the doctor again.
Doctor, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased."
Patient, "Oh, I am in a funny situation now. I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit and listen to their conversations. In a month,
I've changed my will three times!"
_ Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have
launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his
discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to
meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
_ Q. How many Microsoft support staff does it take to
change a light bulb?
A. Four. One to ask "What is the registration number
of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another
to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It
must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works
_ Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked
at it this way before: