_A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The
father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the
human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it
possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad
said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
_A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small
boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little
fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over
and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
_Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they
have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day
and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who
had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The
other two asked how did he do it.
He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do
you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust
rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"
_A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off
her shirt. She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can
make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the
very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel
like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
_There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that
people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make
them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
_Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look
at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis
that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is
that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100
men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the
men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became
overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued
over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is
_On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this
rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined
$60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any
A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
_Once a devil walked in a bar,
Every one ran away only one man had the guts to stay.
The devil asked to the man aren't you scared.
The man replied, "Why should I be, I married your sister 30 years ago".
_One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?"
Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?"
Dan says, "OOOOH WOW!!!"
Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"