Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their
own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked
deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had
planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They
were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain
saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to
their car. Every detail was covered.
They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble,
nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through
knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun
beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this
anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here.
Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"
What Kind of Tracks?
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks." The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
This blonde turns on her computer one morning at work. As it
comes to life, suddenly smoke starts billowing out the back.
Frantically, she calls tech support and asks, "Are you guys having a
fire down there?"
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.
The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and
looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police
officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the
qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The
requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born
citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about
how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born
citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified
people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her
argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be
President than one born by C-Section?"
_Thanks Giving Joke
Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my sister (who's
blonde). To get her out of the house, she convinced her that we needed
more half and half for the coffee.
While my sister was out, my mom took the turkey out of the
oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, then put it inside
the turkey, packing stuffing all around it. She then put the turkey back
in the oven.
When everything was ready, my sister took the turkey out of the
oven and began to remove the stuffing. When she felt something, she
reached in and pulled out the Cornish hen.
Pretending to be shocked, by mother exclaimed, "Patti, you've cooked a pregnant turkey!"
My sister began to cry and was inconsolable. It took us half an hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”
Proof that Blondes are Not Really Dumb
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of
all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room
and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
She replies, "Yes."
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats." _
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Painting the Porch
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."